FL Couple Has Sex on Restaurant Table While Kids, Parents Look on

“I’ll have what they’re having,” a customer at an Orlando, Fla., restaurant might have said last Monday, as a couple of diners made the beast with two backs in front of children and their shocked parents.

The Smoking Gun reports that Jeremie Calo and Tiffani Lynn Barganier were evidently unable to restrain their passion while dining on the patio at Paddy Murphy’s and decided to use their tabletop as a makeshift bed. The manager, Tom Murphy, phoned the police after he “was notified by several patrons that a couple was having sex on a table in view of minor children.”

The police report notes that Murphy told the pair, “Compose yourself, pay your tab or call the police” but was told by Calo to do to himself what he was doing to Barganier.

Ultimately, the couple attempted to leave without paying their check, which totaled $101, but Murphy and another restaurant employee restrained Calo until the cops arrived.

Calo was arrested and charged with defrauding an innkeeper. In addition, he and Barganier were both “trespassed from Paddy Murphy’s for a period of one year.” The two managed to dodge charges of public lewdness because none of the patrons who witnessed the carnal display chose to provide statements, for some reason.

That information was provided by Officer Anthony Wongshue. You can’t make this stuff up.